i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
