I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
