kristin has been a bad kristin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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