Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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