you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
