If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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