I cockslap morals
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
