hotel room ftw
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
