My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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