they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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