babies were throwing up all over the place
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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