Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
