Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
