dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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