I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mom said you looked used
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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