i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
