you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
