News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
