she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
