M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
