Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He passed out mid-signature
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
