Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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