the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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