just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
