I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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