: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I can text with my tongue
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
