Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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