I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
