in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
