yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
