Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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