So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
