Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So many bounce houses so little time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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