Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
