my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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