he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
