Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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