Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
