I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
