I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
