dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
