It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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