No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
