I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize