nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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