The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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