Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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