everyone is single if you try hard enough
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize