my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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