My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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