Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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