im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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