she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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