you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
