i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
