I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
