No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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