it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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