He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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