Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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