I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just high enough for therapy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
