whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize