i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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