but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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