Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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