Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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