I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
