Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
