we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is my gift to your gina
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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