I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you