sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him