I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bring me that man meat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.