Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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(205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We need to start having sex underwater more often.

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(570): We need to start having sex underwater more often. http://tfl.nu/04ms

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(317): View more from Indiana

im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.

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(317): im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like. http://tfl.nu/djvv

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(973): View more from New Jersey

so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.

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(973): so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning. http://tfl.nu/luil

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(309): View more from Illinois

it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...

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(309): it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with... http://tfl.nu/q2va

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(719): View more from Colorado

Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8

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(719): Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8 http://tfl.nu/2x9k

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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(856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z

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(507): View more from Minnesota

security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?

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(507): security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs? http://tfl.nu/7ki8

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!

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(203): I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish! http://tfl.nu/uppy

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.

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(603): I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment. http://tfl.nu/fbcm

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(812): View more from Indiana

My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.

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(812): My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete. http://tfl.nu/hbes

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(913): View more from Kansas

Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?

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(913): Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk? http://tfl.nu/ufjz

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?

(423): View more from Tennessee

I was emotionally compromised.

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(615): Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really? (423): I was emotionally compromised. http://tfl.nu/irpq

Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (248)
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(512): View more from Texas

Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.

(512): View more from Texas

I found Cheetos.

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(512): Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life. (512): I found Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/4vfh

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(720): View more from Colorado

This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

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(720): This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you. http://tfl.nu/ixe4

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