You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
