Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.

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  (403): she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that. http://tfl.nu/e222
  Replies (11) Good night (2969) Bad night (781)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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  (480): I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i. http://tfl.nu/z1bk
  Replies (16) Good night (726) Bad night (4306)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.

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  (517): when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch. http://tfl.nu/wqdf
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (3253)
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  (415): View more from California

  From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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  (415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle. http://tfl.nu/bjh3
  Replies (5) Good night (1119) Bad night (3073)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  hows the new call of duty?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.

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  (207): hows the new call of duty? (1-207): I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome. http://tfl.nu/zewm
  Replies (78) Good night (5699) Bad night (1141)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.

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  (315): He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again. http://tfl.nu/0egr
  Replies (13) Good night (5728) Bad night (2085)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring

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  (816): we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring http://tfl.nu/1aqf
  Replies (24) Good night (7204) Bad night (1688)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.

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  (250): Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment. http://tfl.nu/7c81
  Replies (10) Good night (1429) Bad night (2435)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight

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  (713): I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight http://tfl.nu/pekh
  Replies (14) Good night (1969) Bad night (1258)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.

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  (229): I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight. http://tfl.nu/cauv
  Replies (12) Good night (1304) Bad night (1452)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now

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  (541): It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now http://tfl.nu/avxl
  Replies (7) Good night (983) Bad night (1019)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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  (859): I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning http://tfl.nu/m43n
  Replies (9) Good night (755) Bad night (2126)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.

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  (570): We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't. http://tfl.nu/vt2d
  Replies (1) Good night (640) Bad night (367)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.

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  (919): It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds. http://tfl.nu/w9p4
  Replies (7) Good night (737) Bad night (276)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely

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  (765): If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely http://tfl.nu/z7eh
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (253)

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