I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
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I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon