Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
