Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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