he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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