if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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